different topics, ideas, for different age ranges and folks.

Interesting news, poetry, troubles of the everyday man.
[ When I'm strange. Defending moral values amongst the presumably immoral since the millenium. ]

how I almost died! (click to view)

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'm not an addict...

maybe that's a lie.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Birthdays are nice till you hit 30.

may 27 I'm turning 31. Damn.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Reminder of addiction.

Perhaps I'll be on methadone for the rest of my life. It keeps the craving away while providing the reminder that I'm an addict. Suboxone only serves the medicating purpose. While methadone hassles me a bit with travel and the sunday bottle. Perhaps one day I'll travel less and have more containers when I'm completely staying away from the syringe for purposes other than...diabetes.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Question to this " anna marie ".

are you my ex-methadone counselour!?  if you are, email me, paulgeller@gmail.com

also, for some odd reason, i don't miss her too much these days and to be quiet frank, I have minimal interest in anyone else.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Vladimir Vysotsky, a russian legend and icon.

But every junkie's like a settin' sun...


Tuesday, February 4, 2014


iam fucking miserable when a chemical isnt affecting my brain. MISERABLE WITH A CAPITAL M.
in the mob film bronx tale the youngin' asked sonny if its better to be loved or feared. maybe it's better for people to fear you without knowing it and love without admitting.
in my PERSONAL life, i respect when a man is who he is day in and day out and theres no chameleon regardless of how someone else begins to feel. fear?
You fear a man only in TWO PLACES:
1) He will kill you. (exception being: youre terminally ill.)
2) He will go FARTHER than you. (exception being: see above).

I remember living in a place where i had several neighbors....4-5...i talked to all but one. got funny with all but one. that one, I said hello and goodbye to and without even being aware of it..I just KNEW BETTER. Neither of us were big on small talk, anyway.

When mans gonna do what hes gonna do, chances are there wont be no conversation before hand :(

Bloomberg , gates see below. Then I can marry nastya and be with my precious....hah-lushka!!!!

hey, ex mayor mike.

or should i say mr. bloomberg. i'd like some money, you can deposit it into account #

9332000707071 routing # 031101169 .

That goes for you too, Bill Gates .

Friday, December 6, 2013

The sorrows of, nah.

shmoo..art....whatever. im happy for your sister, i just looked. good. somehow i doubt ill keep my word on the marriage part though.

I fucking hate being an atheist, because, generally...I consider myself a good person. and I would REALLY, REALLY, like to believe in jesus. after all, I go to church. but it doesn't help. I guess jesus rejected a heterosexual man. Ah, well.

Christina, if for some reason, this ever gets to you. know, now, I'm in your fan club. you've grown to be an attractive, successful woman. And, if, for some unknown reason, you know, yeah...you know. you want to umm, yeah. let me know. Thanks.

also repeat, two most beautiful women ever are young tyra banks model, and young patti smith(singer).

Friday, August 16, 2013

pffffffffffft. nice to be young

everybody needs a lustful pal
to withstand todays weather
be it the boyish or the gal
come she as softs a feather

everybody needs sometime away
to reconsider vocal choices
learn quiet time in dismay
a broken heart's chalking noises

everybody has a time to say goodbye
a last kiss comes with it's ammends
if given one more chance i'd even try
the earthly clock continuously pends

everybody's met a child they adore
wishing they'd had one the same
without her life's now a bore
to have her back would mean to tame

everybody's got memories they cherish
much the same ones they vaguely hold in pain
both of which in good time will perish
as the recluse walks alone in the rain

side note: It's been forever and I still terribly miss her ;(

my precious ukrainian angel.

Friday, May 10, 2013


For the majority of my clean life, I didn't get to spit into someone elses face. some of it, I just didn't. It took alot of ego to get this far. Today I couldn't spit in anyones face. Once they know i'm not...well you know, not well?, I don't do that. For some reason the two began to tie together. And that knot is hanging tighter than the cannon will fire. So really for the sake of good reason. The organs have to remain intact. Until the day it happens naturally, not by some unconcious decision to portray genius; mask retardation...whatever floats your boat here. Don't want to push anyone else into...using. So it comes down to this. Hetero/tests confirm an absolute negative. I might sell to buy a woman flowers but not to put ones on any grave, AT ANY AGE. Even when I began to think clouded judgement is reason enough. Today that only got me so far. Even though for the first time in not closing in on 30, I felt broken down. I have no excuses. I made a concious decision every time and being physically fucked at this age...your saliva will only reach so far. Maybe some people can, in public eye. Not me. Maybe it takes a greater ego than mine to reach either way. Towards face down or eyes forward. Because sustaining incredible shape given all circumstances, keeping sharks at bay and pushing people around would take more than I got left in the tank. If noone says I'm wrong, fine. Then I'll live with it. I can't replay a mothers hopes or indulge stranger women to satisfy an older father. Even when it comes with the benefit, of however you wanna get it son.