different topics, ideas, for different age ranges and folks.

Privacy doesn't entail detail rather the amount of people secluded to the act.
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A little tale... (creative writing, yours truly)

My name is paul and I'm an addict.

Friday, October 16, 2015

spite--one born to convey other came to joyously absorb.... " Pay it curved. "

I remember as a kid we'd gather as boys to play a game called street fighter.  One friend always chose the least tactful/worst character to play with... Making it close to impossible to win with. Due to that he also had a close to abusive father he'd also use mediocre tactics which were 100 percent impossible to win with.  So that he could make very friendly jokes about it after.  Though when done w/ joke...  He'd laugh about it in a manner which didn't quite coincide with the humor.  Sheer spite. How it relates to me? I see the analytic overview of his behavior.  An idiot-savant of an over-disciplining maedre won't   come to everyday adult ritual naturally. Thus today at 32 I see myself as full of life and ready to embrace all that's left of it.  Till the day I haven't an option but to do my own laundry. Recently some pseudo-intel on irc who inherited great wealth made this statement "Exceptional mental is always a result of mutation or  trauma.  Well said.  Trauma-phys resulted in a gift I used to possess fully.  Photographic men,  photo as in deitic. Same genre trauma damaged it Sub-arachnoid hem hora get.  Mutation social is why I sit here today capable of this comparative analysis. Social mutation in my childhood is why Ice yet not done my own laundry.  Thus this traumatised mutant has one of two paths left,  spewing self-absorbed under educated drug induced wit or working with what's left of a mind that used to be able to literally memorise at the speed of average person.  And can still memorise 16 #'s in under ten min permanently. 12 in 5. After two comas countless ODs getting hit by car on bike and then some. During this stay in impatient psych(where I still am writing this) Asked a young lady to borrow a book to read.  She did so,  I left it it in my room someone came in there now tore out pages. Thus I offered her money to buy a new copy.  She declined. Same night a CNA leaving to go home is told by another staff member Happy Birthday.  Being I knew the birthday boy for a little over 11 yrs I slipped the book's value into his pocket said its just a piece of paper happy B-Day gite :). I call this pay it curved.                

Monday, October 5, 2015

According to Aristotle I am a genius.

Aristotle considered metaphor a sign of genius, believing that the individual who had the capacity to perceive resemblances between two separate areas of existence and link them together was a person of special gifts. - Aristotle

Gettin' more pussy than a tampon
son turn ya lamp on
Forever on the run paranoiac
runnin from the non-existant
keep tappin that ass

leavin' tampon distant

yo eminem, show these motherfuckers what time it is baby. he emailed me the verse, i'm no creep nor paranoiac.

I'm never going to cry again. Guilty glands have got no rhythm. 

Today's metaphor.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

I got two things in this life...

My ego and my dick. And both of them explode in infininite.

I don't care for money, company or cleavage. Just youth. I'd give an organ to relive them years. =)

...Even the most painful/embarassing ones.

I wish a neighbor the best, considering behaviors, he's been nothing shy of kind.

Translation of Vladimir Vysotsky's song "Who was with her last." song.

That evening I didn't drink, didn't sing -
I stared blindly at her
As children as children look look.
But the one who was with her last
told me that I should leave
told me that I should leave
She ain't shining on me

And the one with her last,
He was rude to me, he threatened me,
And I remember everything - I was not drunk.
When I decided to leave,
She said: "Take your time!"
She said: "take your time!"
It's too early.

But the one who was with her last
Apparently, didn't forget me,
And somehow at fall, and somehow at fall
I go with the friend, I look I stand
They stood silently in a row,
They stood silently in a row -
Them was eight.

With me - a knife, I solved: well,
So simply you won't take me!
Keep, reptiles! Keep, reptiles!
To what for nothing to vanish?
I struck with the first then,
I struck with the first then -
So it was necessary.

But the one who was with her last
He stirred up this trouble
Quite seriously, quite seriously.
To me someone on shoulders hung,
Valyukh shouted: "Take care!",
Valyukh shouted: "Take care!",
But it was too late.

For eight troubles - one answer.
In prison there is too an infirmary, -
I rolled there, I rolled there.
The doctor cut up and down,
He told me: "HOLD ON, PAL.",
He told me: "HOLD ON, PAL. -

Separation instant rushed.
She didn't wait for me,
But I forgive, it is I forgive.
As usual, I forgave her,
The one who was with her last
The one who was with her last
I don't forgive
Ofcourse I forgave her
That one who was with her last
The one who was with her last
I'll surely meet.

Feelings of an Rain Man Addict with Ted Levine's heart in hannibal. It's who I am today.

"He was tormented by an intense desire to confide his memories to some one. But in his home it was impossible to talk of his love, and he had no one outside; he could not talk to his tenants nor to any one at the bank. And what had he to talk of? Had he been in love, then?" - The Lady with the Dog, Anton Chekhov.

My younger mother in fiction:

"Before you can turn round, he will break his neck. Ah, my dear, how sweet it is, and yet at the same time how difficult, to be a mother! One's afraid of everything." -Marya Konstantinovna (Anton Chekhov's The Duel)

What it caused, coming from the same story.... Title of this excerpt "Posterity".

There is a story that some German sent William I. a fur coat made of moleskins, and the Emperor ordered him to be reproved for having destroyed so great a number of useful animals. And yet the mole is not a bit less cruel than your little beast, and is very mischievous besides, as he spoils meadows terribly.

As far as thanking my neighbor, an excerpt relevant from the story:

"Don't get excited, but be reasonable," said the zoologist. "To shower benefits on Mr. Laevsky is, to my thinking, as senseless as to water weeds or to feed locusts."
"To my thinking, it is our duty to help our neighbours!" cried Samoylenko."

Friday, October 2, 2015

i'm a straight man who doesn't mind saying...

I prefer the interests of homosexuals. Although, interests within those interests...of hetero's. but when you're the guy who runs across black dudes in rehab(who've never met you before) telling you 'paul, you got a photographic memory you outa  be a professor.' followed by his friend ending with a delicate statement such as 'rain man the cocaine man.' ... i don't see the need to profess anything other  than a belated mid-life crisis.

photographic or not, that don't survive 2 comas in prime time shape.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

Hepburn i got news for you.

If you want to sacrifice the many cheap lay for the expensive of one, ya...go ahead. get married.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

about a month ago lady says to me don't get rid of the nose just cause the face don't work

You know, I see that more so on a personal level now. Because where as I used to care for the company of people... now I'm past that age of a heterosexual male who keeps new company for any sake other than ....well, yeah. That looks like it might've been tossed. As far as the most distant place on the internet, other people do it for a purpose on SOME social level...me, shit man it's become a bad habit. I joined the campaign against the bleepppppppppppppp word and I'm no sociopath.

what happens when it doesn't rain for the man? not that there's a worry in that, we got another upcoming sandy coming but otherwise we end up with A rainy levine. (rain man gone hannibal references for you geniuses.

Trying to keep a positive perspective... in 'comical' reference.

As mentioned with a dementia-ridden lady in a post below....going based on her statement. You can never really be sure what interest/s a person held in his or her past.

The level dementia that she was at... unlikely to bring a remark on spirit and the french revolution.

So I'm reading random cnn articles when I run across one on birth control having a list of suggested ob/gyn specialists in NYC....

A Dr. "Denise James" in Jamaica new york....holy shit what are the chances? Am I a paranoiac or has my mother grown attached to someone lol

For a century now, we have been singing war songs about addicts. It occurred to me as I wiped his brow, we should have been singing love songs to them all along.

druzya nazvali menya romanom a mat rodnaya prozvala ob.gyn specialist har har

although i still don't have a clue as to who did the armenian version of 'dolya vorovskaya' nu znayu kevorkiana sposob nebil vorovstvom sposoben.

Was too lazy to type it out in russian letters, those who need to read it will get it in english!

An idea comes to be a fact. It loses it's worth in salt. Or what's the expression? It's grain in salt? whatever. The only fact is green. Other than that, loose-ended interpretation.

short-span 'creative' writing is meant for the reader not the unforeseeable of the foretold.

NOT depicting any events of the past, present or future.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Face the music...just make sure your ear plugs are in.

God is factually unexplainable. To not believe based on a statement such as "God defies the laws of physics." is foolish. Because there's no ambiguity in the word "Law". And I believe you'd have a hard time finding a law in any country that existed before it was broken.Thus God is no paradox. So I'm a believer of the general idea. Because to rely on fact, inclines one to believe. As many people don't "feel" that way. Because in all the ages we've existed we're hard-pressed to find an intelligent idea that proves how we came to exist. Darwinism was broken into pieces. Nonsense it is. And in prior paragraph I've explained how we're yet to disprove "God". This doesn't make me agnostic or a realist. I'd say a "FACTUALIST". If we've yet created such a word.

After a recent personal incident, I ended up being thrown into inpatient psych where I met a mid-stage dementia 78 yr old nietzschean woman named Nina. According to her words, verbatim: "Mankind curses god because of spirit and the french revolution." 10 minutes later I asked about the French Revolution and got this answer: "That was the beginning of it all, I think I'm going to kill myself." To think a lady at her age mid-stage dementia made such an intelligent remark. NUTS.


I've read, not studied but read just about everything. From A&P to Burroughs. Freud to doestoevsky. Nietzsche to my life, expressed and paralived(rephrasing the word para-phrased) on this blog.

Reducing heart attack and stroke risk.

If there is an after life, I figure kevorkian is listening to this, god provides translation.

^ if you don't see the humor there, i dunno what to tell ya.

Personal...Recent overdose, in inpatient psych I met two young men. One was missing a leg, the other was about to get a leg amputated...i just don't get it how a man can accept such a surgical loss. The cali prisoner who died after he refused an amputation he needed due to a serious infection, in his words "I rather die on two legs than live on one." I'm with you on that one. I suppose on such a critical manner noone can be sure what they'd decide just as tyson said in boxing "Everybody's got a strategy...till they get hit.".

It's just so odd that I ran across those two young men after a recent post here where I re-phrased the cali prisoners words.

It would rain 24 hours a day with 0% humidity at 75 degrees.  That'd be heaven on earth.

Monday, September 7, 2015

It aint so bad when a man doesn't care about living no more...but it is

When a man stops fearing death. Because when the thought becomes as natural a part of your life as a solid breakfast that doesn't create any angst or unhealthy emotion...man, I told you I was hardcore.

\I've only the best intent for my health, no suicidal maniac here. Or maybe, It's just that I'd take walking on two legs over running on one...ya know what I mean? keep that syrup diet and up the quality of NYC's smack, you lord christ. Forgiver of sins and lover of men's sex-organ. high enough afghan brown colored heroin makes a tyra banks sports illustrated cover not enough to get me hard. And that cover's tyra could get a 80 year old man on life support a hard on. She was PERFECT. the flawless piece of american ass, black white pink yellow. I aint no racist, grew up right by coney island. And I must say, tyra, i might not love you, but if the years could be turned back, i was a lil older and rich and you were still in ya early 20's....baby id pay for a night.

8 foods that help lower cholesterol.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

In the end, everyone wants to see themselves as right

but how many fuck ups know how to paint?

Fortnately, I am right. Don't even need a brush.

It's a darn shame with religion, when hope of christ is taken from you by a narcissistic priest. I always thought just say blame the jews, christ is love and all is solved but Rabbi pedo's aren't this self-absorbed. he's an obese CLOWN and my mother loves him. Probably a faggot on top of that hence the choice of "Job title". But, it doesn't leave me breathing room as an american citizen considering Allah.

And to think it went this far, that donator clown with her fucking queer grandson at the suboxone doc's office afforded a pill switch from within the house I live in. suboxone to subutex. it has started causing a buzz which really is a shame.

If this continues, I rather go back on methadone and go up to like 200mg.

In nostalgia, my first addiction which allowed me to become a drug addict was a game. In the MMORPG class of games. When account prices reached OBSCENE levels and virtual property began to make houses in 3rd world countries look cheaper, I began stealing them from ppl, my justification in doing so was that I was trojaning dudes by msging them online with "16/f/pics, want 2 c my pics?" I justified it with that "If a man agrees to a photo of a teenage girl, cock sucker deserves to get robbed." Point , major point I didn't make part of this justification is that most players were not grown men but also teenage dudes like myself. That's when I ran across the american saint girl, a texan named jennifer, I might be shameless but not heartless, won't post last name. Her pops owned aearly 90's RX-7 mazda in spankin condition while she attended a party school far from home. Yet she played this game. Had things not turned out this way...I would have preferred her, but had things not turned out this way, would i even be looking back on this? Let's be serious here. I'd want an arrogant russian snob not the american sweetheart.

Though a junkie ain't a drunk. A junkie is born a junkie. not grown up to be or made one. Almost a medical fact at this point.

You cound find me on brighton beach or coney island...or rikers island.

Or...once my family is done murdering me to seal the deal on whatever mortgage help was offered to them for it, we'll see how big the DA and local doctors are on sympathising with mortgage troubles. hohoho

Thursday, September 3, 2015

What's left to be said...

I'm a cheerful magnet.

Wondering if any reasonable customers have come about next door, Shame, we're all getting older. Though me and my soon to be well-liked ex-neighbor aren't aging that much differently in terms of how fast. Fairly rapid here. No terminal illness or anything like that, but juvenile diabetic smoker, man let's get real here.

Hard to say if i'll live to see the day where i regularly come across a man who can easily cause me more consequences for my careless selfish life style next door... and doesn't play that card. doesn't judge me despite the fact I'm a rotten person. I don't know if I want it this way anymore though. facts remain so regardless.

"I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of dying." - Dennis Leary